I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant: Loki Odinsson
by Nev Longbottom
Summary: It's Avenger's Week here on TLC. On this episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant", Loki Odinsson shares the beautiful story of his first born.


_At 12:37 PM, Loki Odinsson came into appearance in the Avengers Mansion. Loki , who had been attempting to sabotage their equipment, was forced to drop his spell. He had experienced a violent stomach cramp._

Loki gives the camera a sheepish look. "The timing was not fortuitous."

 _Loki Odinsson was a recent immigrant to the US from another dimension. His brother, Thor Odinsson, moved to New York soon after. The two siblings met regularly to keep in touch and do a little brotherly bonding._

A clip plays of Loki smashing Thor's head repeatedly into a wall while the other Avengers in the background fight members of the Skrull Army.

 _Loki Odinsson used Asgardian magic spells as his birth control before he moved to this world. The birth control had been completely effective on his homeworld, despite never having been tested for Loki Odinsson's racial minority. Loki had no plans for children, and had just barely reached the age of majority in Asgard._

Frigga wrings her hands nervously. "I love children. I love all kinds of children, Jotun, Asgard, Midgard, Lategard... When I first wed Odin, our palace was filled with adolescent animals. I had always hoped for grandchild but I expected Thor would be the first to- He's very..." Frigga winced, "very incompetent at spellwork. Really, we were so sure it would be a matter of time before Thor bed a girl who was as incompetent at prevention spells as he."

 _At 1:08, Captain American had bound Loki to one of the kitchen chairs. Loki had his arms and legs tied down with magic rope that served to suppress his magic._

Captain American leans away from the camera with a horrified expression. "If I had known, I would have never done such a thing. I do not condone such treatment-" From off screen, a male voice interjects, "I would have. That asshole put scorpions in the clean laundry _and_ he put scorpions in the anti-venom kits."

 _By 2:00 it was clear to all the Avengers that something was not right. Loki was sweating profusely and shaking when he wasn't curling in on himself from cramps. Loki had never reacted that way in any of the numerous times he had wound up tied to a kitchen chair._

"I was fairly certain it was a tumor." Loki runs his fingers through his hair and then looks away from the camera. "The growth in my midsection had occurred gradually, over the months, and the many spikes of pain made it clear that this was no ordinary weight gain. All of my spellwork assured me that this was not the blight of another magic user."

 _Loki had been cursed with many strange spells during his time in the US. His immigration to this world also exposed him to very strange kinds of radiations._

Jessica Drew shrugs, "We've tied him up so many times, it's practically part of the breakfast routine. Get the wheaties, have a chair ready for Loki, switch Stark's drink for something non-alcoholic... When we saw him reacting that badly, we did what anyone else would do."

 _They called Spiderman's Aunt May who rushed over to the Avenger's Mansion to help._

"That poor boy looked unwell. He was larger than the previous times I'd seen him, softened around the edges a bit...but he was in so much pain. I said to Captain America, 'You untie that young man right now.' And he did." Aunt May nods at the camera.

 _The questions Aunt May asked quickly ruled out common ailments and spellwork. When she was sure she couldn't offer any medical advice, she called S.H.I.E.L.D. for a medical emergency._

Ms. Marvel nods slowly at the camera, "She made send Nick Fury an evacuation med team in less than three minutes. I want to be May when I grow up. Damn."

 _However, even S.H.I.E.L.D. felt clueless until they narrowed the majority of the symptoms to Loki's abdomen. A sonogram was performed that was inconclusive._

Thor reaches for Loki's hand on camera and squeezes it tightly. "S.H.I.E.L.D.'s healer told us the form of the growth made him sure it was not a tumor. They believed it to be parasite of some form, but the protective space appeared very similar to a womb. I laughed! If anyone was to birth the destruction of our homeworld, it would be Loki."

 _At 8:43 that evening, Loki shifted forms against the orders of the doctors. He changed to a female body and began to scream. The temperature of the room dropped to a shocking -15 degrees Farenheit._

"I was very determined to force the creature out myself and slay it with my bare hands." Loki smiles at the memory. "It's reassuring to know that even in excruciating pain, I have the will to murder in cold blood. Knowledge is most reliable when tested."

 _When most of the doctors leave to escape the hypothermia, there is only Nick Fury , Thor, and a resident nurse to witness the birth. Loki clung to his brother as a very, very small blue creature began to writhe. Nick Fury fired several rounds of ammunition at the newborn but the child was protected by a forcefield. It bought the newborn a few precious seconds to find it's way on to eight wobbly legs._

Thor beams, "When I saw that the parasite had been a colt with Jotun coloring, I turned to my brother and reminded him of that week before the coronation, when Sigyn turned him into an eight legged mare for her amusement...How he had been mounted by a very energetic stallion and nearly killed Father when the scandal broke to the entire court. It was a very entertaining story - I don't know why it didn't come to me sooner."

 _Thor's words made the room realize that the newborn was not a vicious plague bringing parasite, but in fact, Loki's vicious first-born. Then, after the nurse cleaned him up, a small, blue haired colt was brought back to the mother._

A clip plays of a shaggy haired Nurse wheeling out a low, wide crib covered in towels. An eight legged colt the size of a small Labrador retriever shifts his weight about as the crib is brought over to his parent. Loki's eyes soften at as the colt nears him, and he leans over the edge of his hospital bed to nuzzle his son and run his hands along his flank and through his bright red mane.

"I knew he was mine as soon as survived his assassination attempt at birth. Sleipnir has been a blessing," Loki says, every inch a loving parent. "He started learning language at 12 weeks. He's brought so much joy to my life. I would never trade any of the circumstances around his birth for anything."

 _Sleipnir spends his time playing with his many foster aunts and uncles at the Avenger's Mansion. Loki shows a great deal of pride in his child._

A clip plays of Slepnir biting Nick Fury in the thigh with enough force to draw blood and then running out of the room while Tony Stark applauds.

Thor holds out a locket around his neck and opens it. Inside there is a picture of Loki on one side, and Sleipnir in the other. "Loki spends most of his time at the Avenger's Mansion now. Being a parent instead of," Thor scowls "entertaining company in his bed. It is shameful what Loki will do for a new fur coat and if I see Stark about his room at night one more time..."

 _Sleipnir is enrolled to begin school at the very exclusive Xavier Institute for Higher Leaning after his Second birthday. We wish Loki Odinsson and Sleipnir best wishes on "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant."_

A clip plays of Loki and Sleipnir walking inside Macy's with matching Ray Bans and paisley scarves. Sleipnir is now the size of a small pony and looks delighted to be out with his parent. A paparazzi follows discreetly at a distance.

 _Tune in tomorrow for another amazing pregnancy story during our Avengers week._

Wanda gives the camera an embarrassed expression, "He was a robot. I didn't think my mutant powers could make even that happen with a robot."

 _Next week on "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant."_


End file.
